Thursday, December 31, 2009
SEX WORKERS TO THE RESCUE
Just over two months ago I broke my upper left arm. For six weeks my arm was in a sling and then I started physiotherapy. Except for my immobilized arm there was nothing wrong with me. But that was enough to make most positions in bed painful or awkward. When I was with another person, the latter had to be careful not to put pressure on my left arm or shoulder and be mindful at all times of my position in bed.
There were so many activities I couldn't’t have done with a sex partner that our lovemaking was mainly to satisfy my needs. If I had had a boyfriend, I hope he would have tried to please me without caring too much about his own needs. But the men one meets on the Internet, say through Craigslist, or in the bathhouses , are not interested in giving satisfaction to disabled sex partners.
So what about sex workers? The general view is that they do whatever they must do to satisfy their able-bodied clients. If clients have physical problems (for instance, cannot even be given a decent back massage because they cannot lie face down) that is not the sex workers’ problem. It is not the duty of the workers to cater to the special needs of invalids. They get paid, one would assume, to perform their ordinary duties, not to accommodate patients. It turned out that the opposite was true. My workers, all regulars, went out of their way to make me feel comfortable in spite of my handicaps. That took a lot of effort because all sorts of techniques had to be tried out. At times, I was ready to give up, but the workers persisted. Obviously, I was a regular client and they were willing to work a bit harder for me. Still, they went beyond the call of duty as a matter of course.
***
For six weeks, the time my arm was in a sling, I needed someone to wash and dress me on a daily basis. (I couldn't’t even tie my shoes laces.) One of my “retired” workers is a home care provider. He and I have known each other some thirteen years and are close friends. I hired him to come to my home every morning, with no days off, to get me ready for the day. If there was time, we chatted and joked with each other before or after the bathing and dressing. Certainly, I could have availed myself of a nursing service. But the daily company of my former sex worker pleased me so much that I almost decided that once I was well again, I would still have him still come in daily to bathe and dress me.
I know that many gays are displeased by my positive feelings toward my sex workers: Positive feelings that I have had for decades. I am sure that my relationship to my sex workers is not the answer for every gay man. All I can say is that my rapport with my sex workers has worked for me from the time I was in my late twenties right into old age. I also can state with certainty, that with my broken arm I would not have encountered any playmates that would have been willing to accommodate my condition.
Labels: Lessons From aroken Arm
